Sunday, January 5, 2014

Happy New Year

2014 is here and I am continually overwhelmed at how incredibly fast the days and years are passing by.  Watching my children grow is a  daily reminder that time does not nor will not stand still.  Like many of you I do reflect about the past year and do hope to do some things better in the year ahead but if I charge ahead with a plan of my own  without praying for the Lord's power to change or better things in my life I know without a doubt I will fail at every resolution I attempt to keep. No matter how many times I attempt to lose weight, become more organized or spend more time in the word they were all ideas I came up with that "I" can check off my list everyday for about a week and then "I" become weak.  I recently heard somewhere that you are never more out of control than when "you" are in charge.  I don't want to be in charge.  I want to lean on my Father for EVERYTHING yet if He asks me to wait for anything I begin to try to take charge again and of course He watches me fail then helps me pick up the pieces and puts me back on track.   Of course there are times that He lets me succeed but at what expense?  Rushing all the time, becoming frustrated with my husband and children so that I can complete whatever it is I am "in charge" of.  So I may have succeeded at my project or task but I am now very tired and weary and my family was put on the back burner.  Is that really success?  If I lean on the Father I know that the victories are much sweeter and the failures are much easier to handle.  Why at my age do I still struggle with some of the basic things in Christianity?  Quite frankly I guess I could say that I am just lazy.  I don't mean the type of lazy that sits around and does nothing because I do plenty but do I do what matters for His kingdom?  Do I do the "hard" things" or do I just do comfortable?  I know the answers to these questions and yet it still staggers me that I have a Father above that still love me, that lives in my heart and has a perfect plan for my life in spite of me.  I pray 2014 will be the year that I finally get it, enough to move past this season and onto a more mature believer.