Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Decisions, Decisions

My husband and I decided long ago that I would be homeschooling my younger two children at least for a couple of years. We have been extremely excited about doing this. This year there was a need for a 4-K teacher at my kids preschool I was approached about interviewing for this position and even though my degree was in elementary education 1-8 I thought why not??? I had one child in the 3yr old class and one in the Kindergarten class and I would be in a room right in the middle of them where I could go hug them if I had an extra minute and it was only 3 hours a day. I found out at the end of August that they wanted to hire me and so off I went into the land of uncharterd territory. I just knew this would be a great stepping stone for me to transition into homeschool next year.
Fast forward to today and I had to tell my boss I would not be back in the Fall. There was one thing getting in the way of my telling her and that was that I have sooooo loved this job. Before I took this job I was guilty of using my children's preschool time as a time for me to have a break and if they learned something in the process then great! A lot of times I did not even check their bags for work they did. Little did I know just how much work these preschool teachers put into their jobs. I have lesson plans that cooridinate with letters of the week. We do math, write names and letters. I teach bible verses. We sing a lot, so much that my voice has not been the same since school started. I have put a ton of work into this job and have loved every minute with the children and getting to know their parents. It really is not an easy job but if you love it you are hooked!
I went over every possible scenario that would allow me to stay in this job but it would always be at the expense of my family. I knew another reason I wanted to stay was for a selfish reason and that is I was getting accolades from my peers, my boss and parents about my abilities in teaching. Not a lot of accolades are coming from the kiddos when it is just you and them at home so I really found this embarrassingly rewarding.
These are the types of decisions I find the hardest. Picking between better and best. If I hated the job it would be so much easier to leave. I do realize that the Lord has given me a gift in teaching but I also know that no matter how gifted I am if I am out of His will for my life then I will get less than mediocre results in whatever I attempt no matter how "good" it may be. I must also add that I know how fast little ones grow and I have plenty of time to teach at a school later when my kids are older if the Lord leads. Until then I want to really take in these last few younger years with them and just memorize them and engrave them on my heart.
Sorry for the long post just pondering my day and the blessings the Lord has given to me and allowed me to experience.


Jessica said...

What an honest post! As a fellow teacher, I too love my job!! My husband and I have been married for 7 years, and we have no children of our own. We are both in our late 20's, so I know there will be time, but honestly, teaching has really fufilled that niche in my heart. I have struggled with whether or not I will quit to stay home. Honestly, I don't know what I will do when we start a family. You are right- it is choosing in between better and best. I love my job so much that I almost don't look forward to pregancy because I know I will have to make a tough choice. (I KNOW this is a contraversial statement on my part, but I am speaking from my heart.) I will be 30 in a few years, and having a family has been heavy on my mind. I guess in truthfulness, I already feel like a mom to 120 5th graders. : )Many, many parents tell me how thankful they are to have a Christian educator as their child's teacher, and like you, I love that praise. All I can do is hope that the spirit will move me and give me a peace regardless of what I choose. I think you are wise to let the Lord lead. Trusting in Him will never lead you wrong! Sorry for the long post, but I so admire your honesty and openness. It is refreshing! Thanks for being so real!

Fran said...

Do you know how good that was??? I mean your words were 110% pure honesty. He is gonna honor your decision and bless your obedience like crazy!!

We have our children for a short time. Our family is our first ministry. You go girl. I'm so proud of you!


Julie said...

I am a home schooling mom. I am finishing my 16th year and will have my first high school graduate this year. (My oldest finished her last 3 years in a public school. She felt God's calling to do that and we felt His release).

I could never trade what I have had with my children.

Follow your heart, and be at rest in knowing that if God has called you to keep the kids at home you will find satisfaction like you never imagined. No you might not get accolades up front, but you will find treasures in your midst.

The most important thing I tell people who are considering home schooling is, find out what God is saying to you, where His peace is leading.

If I can help you in any way, please let me know.

Have a blessed day,

justabeachkat said...

Hi there! I haven't been by in awhile. Life has been crazy, hectic and busy, but things have slowed down so I've enjoyed catching up with you tonight.

I loved this post...straight from your sweet heart.


Belle-ah said...

Oh much of your struggle feels like my own. Right now I find myself working parttime outside of the home (albiet at my children's school - NOT as a teacher) and when I am at work I love my job but I am feeling more and more pulled back home. I kind of miss having the lower stress load that came with me not working. This grown up stuff is sooo hard.

Denise C said...

I am a homeschool mom as well! It is the best "job" ever! We felt called to homeschool 2 years ago...(until then Chelsi attended public school).
This has been the most rewarding time of my life...(I too was employed in public ed for years). There is just something about teaching your own at home...without any boundaries...with great abandon! GOD always supplies our portion...HE alone is enough! Stand firm in what God is calling you to do, my will be one of the greatest blessings you will ever receive! Great will be your reward! I promise!
Love to you!

Mel's World said...

Oh Linda, as I read your post I could hear your heart being torn in two. I know that you are making the right choice for your family and I commend you for making the HARD choice. I am always telling my kids (like every day) "to do the right thing even if it is the hard thing".

It is so hard to be a mom and you are is nice to receive the applause and pats on the backs that come from working, but God knows your heart and you know that HE has called you to the kids that he has given you. Good for you!!!

Much Love and Prayers,

Julie said...

Love the new blog layout! Did you do it yourself?

I would have no clue how to do that! So I guess mine will stay "plain/Jane". : )

Have a blessed day,

Antique Paperie said...

This was a beautiful post to read Linda. I admire those who Homeschool - and I admire those who teach at public schools. It is a very demanding job - and from your post it sounds like a rewarding one too. I think you should go with your feelings though - if your heart is in another place - then your mind will be too, eventually. Perhaps God's way of saying "It's Time". Time changes daily - time for this, time for that - you already know what you want to do - so I wish you much peace and happiness, and joy as you do what your heart is leading you to do. Those of us with small children, should enjoy these young years, for they are short ones, and we only take this journey once in a lifetime. xo Sher

Sandy said...

Hey sis! Great post.
LOVE the new blog look!!
Have a great week.

Kim said...

What a great post!!! God will BLESS you and honor you...for your choices.

I LOVE your blog design.

Jill@Who Could Ask for Anything More said...

I struggle with these same feelings all the time since I work full-time. I do know that I am not teacher material - in the vocational sense of the word - and that's better left to someone else. God bless SAHM, housewives and homeschoolers. My solution has been to hire housekeeper, assistant, etc. to help me do the things at home that I can't attend to so I can spend all of my time at home with my kids and husband (and not scrubbing floors).

Anonymous said...

Mmmmmmmmm... I remember having to make this same decision! Being a librarian at the girls' school was ideal, or so I thought. I felt self-worth, accomplished, like what I did was important and mattered. I was a natural in this position. How selfish was that?! (Like nobody could do that job as well as I could. LOL)
When I finally made the choice to stay home & teach my girls, there was a sense of piece, yet still a bit of confusion.
Well, Linda I have to say that this was the best thing that I could have done. I have learned what true self-worth is, and talk about what an important job that I have now... Are there days that I still question myself. YES! But then God reveals something wonderful to me through my girls and I am again reminded of what my true calling has been and will always be. A wife and mother. Supporter and teacher. Helper and encourager.
I am sure that whatever you decide, it will be for the BEST.
In Him,
P.S. I loved the painted picture of "better and best". That's what it truly is...

Anonymous said...

You have a beautiful family. You know I have struggled with this too this past year but my dh quickly reminded me of why we homeschool. I love his support.