I have been asking myself lately what to do when you come to a crossroads. One road is scary, dark, somewhat selfinflicted, and lonely and lives in the present. The other road is full of light, warmth, and love and lives in the past. Do you stay in the past because it is comfortable and just live in denial or do you move ahead with the road that is very uncomfortable?
I don't like change. I really don't like being alone either. Right now I am going through a lot of change and feeling very much alone. I know that the God who created me is with me and I am trying to find comfort in that knowledge because I don't feel it. I am wondering if he even hears my prayers through my all my sins, confessed and unconfessed. Am I worthy of all he has to offer when I am so selfish and seem to only tap into what He has for me when I am in need.
My head tells me to dive into His word but my body just wants sit and do nothing.
I often wonder how I got where I am but I guess it's like the Casting Crowns song says.. It's a slow fade.. People never crumble in a day.... Maybe I have accepted a little of what the world offers bit by bit? Maybe it is the lack of work on the part of myself to strenthen relationships not only with the Lord but with others because it is too much work? Whatever it is I know only he can give me peace and life. I know I won't find it in people or things. I just want my heart to feel what my head knows. I want what my pastor used to tell us, to believe in the dark what He has shown me in the light.
Am I making any sense? If so pray for me, if not pray for me.
UPDATE...... As I pushed the publish post button my son's girlfriends mother called to say she and my son, Chandler had been in a wreck... Everyone is okay. God reveiling himself to me????
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Posted by Linda at 5:56 PM