Tuesday, February 3, 2009

What to do

I have been asking myself lately what to do when you come to a crossroads. One road is scary, dark, somewhat selfinflicted, and lonely and lives in the present. The other road is full of light, warmth, and love and lives in the past. Do you stay in the past because it is comfortable and just live in denial or do you move ahead with the road that is very uncomfortable?
I don't like change. I really don't like being alone either. Right now I am going through a lot of change and feeling very much alone. I know that the God who created me is with me and I am trying to find comfort in that knowledge because I don't feel it. I am wondering if he even hears my prayers through my all my sins, confessed and unconfessed. Am I worthy of all he has to offer when I am so selfish and seem to only tap into what He has for me when I am in need.
My head tells me to dive into His word but my body just wants sit and do nothing.
I often wonder how I got where I am but I guess it's like the Casting Crowns song says.. It's a slow fade.. People never crumble in a day.... Maybe I have accepted a little of what the world offers bit by bit? Maybe it is the lack of work on the part of myself to strenthen relationships not only with the Lord but with others because it is too much work? Whatever it is I know only he can give me peace and life. I know I won't find it in people or things. I just want my heart to feel what my head knows. I want what my pastor used to tell us, to believe in the dark what He has shown me in the light.

Am I making any sense? If so pray for me, if not pray for me.

UPDATE...... As I pushed the publish post button my son's girlfriends mother called to say she and my son, Chandler had been in a wreck... Everyone is okay. God reveiling himself to me????


fortyb4forty said...

You are making sense and you are being prayed for, get in His word and know He is faithful. I hope that doesn't sound too cliche...I will be praying for you.

Kendra Lee said...

Oh yes, you make perfect sense... that feeling of restlessness that precedes God's work in and around ya'.

Glad your son and his gf are ok!!

Yes, I'll pray for you... been there :-).

Rebecca Jo said...

I completely can relate to how you feel... one of those valleys where God can draw you closer to him.... I too hate change & being alone so your words really hit home.... know you are NOT alone in how you feel!

Glad everyone is ok from the wreck too!!!

Praying for you!

petrii said...

Dear Sweet Linda,
I will so be praying for you. I have so been in such a similar place. I have been doing Beth Moore's Whispers of Hope devotional and it has so helped me.

I'm so sorry about your son and girlfriend, I hope they are okay. Please keep us updated.

Love you friend.

Have a Blessed evening,

justabeachkat said...

First, praise God your son and his girlfriend are okay!!

I'm not sure what exactly you're going through, but I do know that whatever it is will be easier if you place the problem and yourself in God's mighty hand. I'll be praying for you sweet friend.


Fran said...

I know this road oh so well. Keep praying...even simply....God knows your heart. I love you and will keep you in my heart. I'm so close and can be there soon if you want. ;)

Sandy said...

As you see from the comments this place happens to all of us! Regardless of what got us there ~ The GOOD NEWS is we know we can LOOK to God and he will take care of all! I'll be praying for you!
Love you!!

His Doorkeeper said...

Boy, how I can relate! I find that I do better if I just keep in His Word and know that I am facing nothing that He isn't aware of and can use for His glory!

It's sometimes a day to day battle! Keep praying and keep moving forward! "Put on the whole armor....."

Hope that Chandler and his gf are OK!!